It is with a heavy and through a river of tears that I tell my fur babies (Chaos) story...We got Chaos when he was relatively young still. My brother and sister in law could not have him in their apartment, so rather than put him a shelter they asked us to take him and we did.  He was a long haired grey kitty so full of life and love.  Before he go sick,  he was so lovable, and purred SO loud, it was crazy, I had never heard a cat purr that loud, he would jump in your lap and just nudge your hands and your face till you would pet him. he slept right by my side at night, he would curl right up next to me and sometimes scooted him self underneath my blankets to stay warm and then he would get on the pillow above my head, he had no front claws so he would bat my face when it as time to get up. :)  he lived a full and happy and spoiled life, he loved treats and playing with the other cats, wasn't to fond of the dog though... he ended up losing weight a couple months ago, so we took him to the animal hospital, he only weight 8 pounds, the vet had given him some special food and some meds, little pills and then liquid prednisone, to see if that would do anything.  he was literally fur skin and bones, you could feel all his bones, his kips, spine, legs, he was a talker too, you could have conversations with him, but soon his meows turned into him telling me he was hurting and he was just not  getting any better so I called the vet again for a follow up which was yesterday, I thought I was going to have to take him by myself, but my son and my son in law were able to go with me, which was a good thing, because I had to make the decision to put my baby to sleep, and I was crying uncontrollably, I couldn't even catch my breathe.. what a heartbreaking decision to make all by your own, I had had a feeling in my gut all day at work what was going to happen, I was sad my husband and daughter couldn't get off work, of course It wasn't until I got to the vet and we learned he in fact had leukemia. My head said you need to let him go, he is hurting so bad, but my heart was selfish and wanted to keep him alive even though I knew he was hurting...  we were able to go into another room, which had a table with a red velvet blanket, they brought him in and the vet had given him a catheter in his right front paw so she could administer the meds. The one she gave him before we saw him was a valium to just calm him down and relax so he wasn't hurting anymore. He was laying in this cradle type bed, he was so calm, I got down to his  eye level and  when I looked in his eyes, it was almost like he was saying, "thank you mom, its ok,  I wont be in pain anymore" all I could do was cry and pet him and tell him I loved him, even my two rough and tough sons were crying as well as the vet and her assistant. Through the tears, I told her I was ready to let him go, she administered the two meds that put him to sleep and in just a matter of seconds it seemed like, she said " He's gone". Oh my gosh how those words just pierced my heart, she said he didn't feel any pain.  I cried all night long, and today, I cant quit crying and when I am able to stop,  I walk right by his favorite chair he sat on in the family room and my heart breaks more!!!!! I opted to have him cremated, which was it a good decision? Maybe, Maybe not. The Vet said the people from the crematorium would be there Monday to pick him and we should have his ashes by the weeks end. He will come in a little box with paw prints on it and they will make a mold of his paw and give it to us, and I think prints of his paws. You LOVE them FOREVER but it takes a couple seconds to let them go!