In 1870, George Graham Vest, a well known local attorney stood in front of a Warrensburg, Missouri court room and said, "The one absolutely unselfish friend that a man can have in this selfish world, the one that never deserts him and the one that never proves ungrateful or treacherous is his dog." After those words gained popularity in the community, the quote was shortened and coined a very popular phrase we all know and love today; "man's best friend." Words are easily and often tossed around thinking we know the meaning, or thinking we know the true feelings behind them. But, I'm here to tell you, we just never know until we experience things in life that help us see the true meaning. We all know that "man's best friend" is a dog, but in the past few weeks I've come to realize just how deep this friendship goes.
Five years ago this month, I decided I had lived long enough without treating myself to the pleasures of owning a dog. So, I set out to find one. I had in mind what I thought I wanted, but soon realized that my wants have nothing to do with it. I went to the Athens Dog Pound looking for a small "apartment dog". I figured a chihuahua or something similar would suit me just fine. I walked up and down the row of kennels but didn't see a thing I was interested in. As I walked out, I had almost made it to the door when I felt something at my feet. I looked down and this cute little black and white puppy had stuck both paws under the door of the kennel and wrapped them around my foot. How in the world was I supposed to pass that up? After he was neutered, I came back the following day to pick him up.
Now, this was my very first dog. Sure, my family had random dogs when I was a child but this was the very first dog I owned as a grown man.....MY dog. With that said, I will admit I was lost as crap. I went to pick puppy up, not at all prepared. I picked him up in my arms because he refused to walk on a leash, put him in the passenger seat of my truck (uncovered) and away we went. Lets see, we got about 20 minutes into our drive when I learned lesson number one, puppies get sick....especially when shaken. That precious little boy expelled dog food all over the passenger side of my truck. I had to pull over on the side of the interstate to swipe some of it out and still drive home with the windows down because the stinch was horrible! Luckily, there wasn't any left so we made it home without further incident and got everything cleaned up. I coined my new puppy "Ace" because he was black and white like an ace of spades.....and because I just liked the name and it seemed to fit him well.
Fast forward to today and I must say in many ways I am at a loss for words. I no longer have my Ace to comfort me, make me laugh, hug me, or wipe my tears. About a month ago, Ace was diagnosed with hypothyroidism (low thyroid count) and we thought maybe that explained his growing tests of aggressions by grumbling and growling at me. Almost two weeks ago, Ace and I were in the floor playing when he decided to get up and try to go to another room. When I placed my hand on him and said "no wait", he growled at me. I don't know what his agenda was but I interrupted it. As I tried to come to my feet, Ace jumped and attacked me, going straight for the face. It was horrenous and by far the scariest moment of my life. See, Ace was not the little "apartment dog" I had once wanted. He was a full grown, 120 lb dog who when angry could do some damage. And it didnt take me long to realize that for whatever reason, Ace was angry. As we fought and tumbled, a lot was going through my mind including "I have no idea what to do". Thankfully I was able to get to my feet but then he grabbed my arm and wouldnt let go. I finally had to close my arm in the door, pry it out of his mouth and slam the door shut. It was then that I looked down to see blood just pouring out of my face. I ran to the bathroom, looked in the mirror and to my horror, part of my nose was missing and I could see bones. I immediately dialed 911 and was transported by ambulance to the local hospital where a plastic surgeon had to be called in. I ended up with 50-60 stitches in my nose, eyebrow and eyelid and 4 staples in my left arm. Animal control came to get Ace where he was placed in quarantine and coming home from the hospital was a very emotional experience when I walked back into my room to see the aftermath.
This incident left me with the toughest decision that every dog owner hopes they never have to face....should I have him put down? After logically thinking it through, I felt that something was wrong with Ace. He wasnt as happy these days and obviously had some sort of health issue possibly causing him to act in this manner. Given the reposnibilities of a dog owner, it just wasnt pheasable for me to keep Ace. What if he did this to someone else? I would end up in a lawsuit that could cause me to lose everything I own. A chance I can not take. Many people suggested certain rescues that Ace could go to. Well folks, let me introduce myself.....I am stingy. Ace was my dog. Ace wanted to be with me and I wanted to be with Ace. If that couldn't be the case for whatever reason, I dont see either of us being happy. As sorry as anyone may see it, I couldnt bear the thought of my Ace being anywhere else but with me. And above all, Ace wasnt right. He was sick and he must have been in pain. Over the course of about six months he began to do things that werent "Ace like". He would growl at me over certain things and I would always make him back down as the Alpha leader should do. Not once did it ever occur to me that it would come to this. I just chalked it up to getting old and grumpy. But folks, Im here to admit that I was wrong. If you dont get anything else from this, learn this lesson from me....YEARLY BLOOD WORK FOR YOUR CANINE COMPANION IS ONE OF THE MOST IMPORTANT THINGS YOU CAN DO!!! I mean that. Im admitting to you that I wasnt the great dog owner who got the yearly tests done. I figured if he didnt act sick, well he must not be sick. Yes, I failed my beloved Ace.
On Tuesday March 13, 2012 Ace's ten day quarantine expired at the veterinarian and he was released. I had already discussed with our shelter director how I wanted to handle his passing. Yes, we did it at the shelter. I understand why some people may see that as bad, but I see it as significant. I do a lot of work at that shelter to help those who need help and I just felt it to be more significant than just a random veterinarian that he had never even seen before. Tuesday morning, I cooked a pizza at home and wrapped it up to take with me. Ace loved pizza. Many weeks we would share one on my weekend. He even knew the word pizza. I got to the shelter around 11 a.m. and I walked outside to see Ace lying under an awning in the shade. When he saw me, he ran to the gate and immediately started trying to open it before I could do so. I simply couldnt hold back the tears. For the next two hours, we walked around the shelter visiting, eating pizza, eating other people's food and just enjoyed being together. Honestly, I was concerned that I would be afraid around him. But after seeing him, I felt a peace within that made me not afraid at all. My brother called and wanted to see him, so we waited for him and they spent a little time together. At approximately 1:40 pm, we all went to the back room and Ace left this cruel world peacefully. As he slipped away, he looked me directly in the eye and I held his paw until the end. As he took his last breath, I felt like I had lost my soul.
Even as I write this, Im fighting back tears because I am still looking at myself and thinking "what have I done?". In the blink of an eye, a life has ended because I said so. Folks, thats a hard pill to swallow.....a very hard pill to swallow. Granted, I know I made the best decision for both me and Ace but its still hard to be at peace with the fact that I had to make that decision. And to be quite honest, I dont know if I will ever be at peace. I totally get it when everyone has told me that its the most honroable thing to do as a pet owner, he was in pain, he wasnt happy anymore, etc. but I had to watch the life leave this dog before my very eyes. My best friend. The one I lean on. My partner in crime. Gone just like that. And really I dont think its totally set in yet that Ace is gone forever from this earth. The open wound on my face is trivial compared to the open wound left in my heart. I do know one thing. I dont regret anything that I went through with that dog, not even the attack. Do I wish it didnt happen? Sure! But I am also smart enough to know that Ace acted on instinct for whatever reason. Dogs do not hate. They physically are not capable of such feelings. So I do know that I may hate myself for a while, but no matter what, Ace did not hate me.
One question that always comes to mind in times like this is "do dogs go to Heaven?". Well, Im not necessarily the most qualified person to answer that but based on some scripture I have read as of late, I would sure like to think so. Scottish writer, Robert Louis Stevenson once said, "You think dogs will not be in Heaven? I tell you, they will be there long before any of us". I love you Ace. Thank you for your helping to make me who I am. You will always be this "man's best friend".