My little boy - I can't believe you're gone. You went missing on september 20th 2010. I put up flyers and in the neighbourhood too. And in the local vets. I drove around and walked around looking for you. I had given up hope however i still had hope. Until October 9th 2010. When i saw something on the road. A flattened animal. I stopped got out of the car and ran up to it and looked closely...there was no head. But I could tell it was you. I got back in the car and cried my eyes out. Went home, we got the shovel and scooped you up, I insisted on taking you out of the black bag in the sittingroom of your new home in the apartment. It was so hard to tell but the paws told me right away. White cat paws, nails still intact in one paw and pink tabs. Who knows, maybe if it wasn't for the paw, I would have presumed you were a fox, you were so orange. I put you back in the box, you slept on the ground in the bedroom with me and your little sister Kelly on the bed (who I know annoyed you so much but deepdown you liked her). Before I went to bed I lifted the bag with you inside out of the box and held you and cried. It was so hard and cold but it felt better just me holdilng you, you were finally home hurray! I had my 2 cats with me that night. I kept waking up during the night but i did sleep. 



The next morning the first thing I did was reach my hand down into the box and yep, you were still in the black bag in it. I got ready. It was time to take you out one last time to definitely make sure it was you, to say goodbye and to let Kelly say goodbye. We then left, drove to the garden centre to get a plant/ flower, it was lovely and pink in colour and you know how I loved you in pink! Then we drove up to my mother's, even though the body started to really smell by now (it didn't the night before as the cold outside was preserving you) I wanted to keep you with me. We dug a deep hole in the garden. I put 2 photos in. One of you and me a few years ago. And one with you and Kelly and Jade (my other cat that went missing 2 years ago God rest her soul). You 3 were my little babies. I also put a card in with my feelings and thoughts and little yellow flowers from the garden. It was time. I broke down. I didn't want to take my fingers off the box. Why me? I kept thinking. Why Damo???? 



You're gone now. And I'm still looking outside to see if you'll come back. I've never felt this grief struck over anything before. I've cried over animals. Our Rosie who was 16 disappeared in August, she had a brain tumour and we know she left to die. But for some reason it's easier to take as she was old and her time had come. To find you ripped to pieces, bones everywhere, to not even have a head...was traumatic to say the least. Damo I can't accept that you're not coming back. I keep crying. I'm even thinking the worst...what's wrong with me??? Didn't I know this day would come? 



Yes, just not so soon, that's all. xxxxx