When I first met my Bear (I called him Bear Bear) I was not at all in the market to buy a dog.  I was at the pet store where I had purchased birds previously. Then a store assistant brought in Bear.  He was a little, 11 week old 9 pound puppy. There was an instantaneous connection - one that has never and will never leave.



Within a week I bought Bear - and the rest is history.  Bear has always been a very sweet and gentle dog - and has always been afraid and sensitive.  He was so afraid he didn't walk outside more than one block for over a year.



Bear was a very loving and loyal dog.  When I'd take my daughter Katrina to the library, I'd keep Bear outside until she was done.  Bear would cry and whine because he couldn't be with her.  Bear would always sleep with me, stay with me, and basically he would love me always.



Bear couldn't have a day go by without having his after dinner treat, a delicious bully stick.  He would get so excited when I asked him if he wanted one - it was so truly adorable.



What I need to express most is how much I loved Bear.  He's only been gone almost a week and the pain in my stomach is sometimes unbearable.  I keep waiting for him to come home, to come up to me, to eat his food in a messy but satisfying way.  I miss his drinking water.  I miss everything about Bear.



He's had several health problems over the years but I went to the best and got him the best treatments I could afford.  A little over a week ago I noticed that Bear was barely eating.  At first I thought this was a result of the extreme hit my home - since I have no air conditioning.  However, 3 days later he still wasn't eating.  I unfortuantely was out of town and I asked my sister to take Bear to the vet.  That was a week ago today.



When I returned last Friday I vowed I'd get Bear to eat.  He ate some boiled chicken - not much.  I took him on Saturday to the vet again - and learned his blood work looked good.  However, without going into too much further detail, I learned this past Monday night that Bear had lung cancer and had a month to live.  By Tuesday Bear was eating and was starting to have a bad cough.  He also had a few external lesions. With all that, and Bear wasn't eating, his favorite thing to do, I made the decision to put him down a week ago tomorrow.



I have learned several things from Bear's death:  I have learned that I can feel tremendous love and pain at the same time.  I learned that I was blessed to be able to have had the incredibly special bond that we shared.  I learned that though I had to put Bear down, he was with family, was loved, and was treated with kindness and respect.



I don't know if I will ever love a dog in the way I loved Bear.  We have shared so many hugs and kisses - and special quiet moments.  He was a huge 125 pound Bull Mastiff with gorgeous fawn colored hair and huge adorable lips.  He had the biggest tongue I have ever seen on a dog.



Bear loved chewing up toys - took about a minute to do so - about the same time it took him to eat his beloved bully sticks.



Bear gave me and my children tremendous joy.  With him in my life I felt complete.  There is a sadness and grief that I haven't experienced before - a feeling that still overtakes me and overwhelms me.



What I know is that Bear was loved and treasured and always will be.  I love you Bear Bear. love, mom