I rescued Killer from an animal shelter when she was just 6 weeks old.  Most of her life Killer is not what you would call a cuddler but in the almost 13 years I had with her I never saw a mean or bad bone in her body.  

Until she was 8 she lived outside with my other rescue dog, Missy.  In 2005 at the age of 14, although in good health, Missy peacefully left this world.  After that I felt bad leaving Killer outside all alone so I started bringing her into the house.  She loved it.  She NEVER had an accident, didn't chew on anything that wasn't her's, didn't get on the furniture except when given permission, didn't beg, or do anything she wasn't suppose to.  She was one of those dependable dogs that you could count on to be a perfect girl in any situation.  

In 2009 she started having random nose bleeds but nothing serious.  Finally one morning the end of September she had a terrible nose bleed that wouldn't stop.  Blood was all over the walls and floors.  I rushed her to the vet who immediately rushed me to a specialist.  All though the bleeding had stopped dramaticaly, it took almost 5 hrs before it completely stopped.  Killer stayed there for a couple of days while they observed her and ran tests.  The diagnosis crushed me... she had a malignant tumor in her left sinus.  Fortunately, the tumor wasn't painful and except for her nose bleeds you couldn't tell she was sick.  Unfortunately, in her situation the tumor was very vascular and bleeding was the biggest concern.  I declined doing any cancer treatment on her due to her age and how hard it can be. Our biggest fear was that she would had a terrible nose bleed again but this time it wouldn't stop. The vet told me the only thing I could do was to take her home and enjoy what days I had left with her.  He gave her only a month at best.

My baby held on for another 4.5 months.  God blessed me with one last Thanksgiving, my birthday, Christmas, and New Year with her.  She was doing so well that I times we wondered if old age would take her before the cancer did but that was not to be.  The weekend before I lost her she had a nose bleed on Saturday that never stopped completely.  All day Sunday it would just barely drip out every now and then.  Then Monday morning Jan 18 I awoke to my worst fears...  horrible nose bleed again but this time it was coming out of both nostrils.  I knew then that the cancer had spread to the other side.  I made the decision that I couldn't sit back and watch my sweet sweet dog bleed to death and I felt like that was what was coming.  It was a hard decision.  Bleeding doesn't hurt, so for several hours I let her run outside and play.  My husband had to work so my mother drove us to the vet so I could sit in back with Killer.  

I held her head in my hands and felt her take her last breath.  Life without her is strange.  I still hear her come into my bedroom and lay on the floor next to my bed and the sounds of her claws on the hard wood floors.  I have her things still but boxed away for now b/c it hurts too much but I know someday they will be treasured memories.  She still feels too alive in my head to be gone and moments when it hits me that she really is it feels like a knife in my heart. 

Killer, my wonderful puppy dog... I know you are in a better place where you are completely cancer free.  You know your mama loves you and that you have a special place in my heart.  Your whole family misses and thinks of you everyday.  You were the best.