For fifteen years my left hand never fell to my side that it did not touch your neck.  You found ways to be close, regardless of whether we were inside or out, standing or seating.   Now when my hand drops I feel only the void and it burns my heart.  There are voids everywhere now. There is the  one at the garage door that welcomes me home; one that sits at the end of the sofa; one that sleeps at the foot of my bed.  The house is full of emptiness. 

For fifteen years you were my colleague, confidant, mentor, and by far my goofiest friend.  You were the crowned ruler of our mixed species pack.  I often joked that everything I knew of management I had learned from you.  I did in fact try to imitate your quick and decisive barks of discipline and the even faster forgiveness that followed. Perhaps I made some progress, but you set other standards I cannot meet.  Your absolute and unselfish love was far beyond what I could provide and it shames me.  Our relationship was never equal.  I gave you dimes; you returned to me dollars. The memory of this hangs over my head me like a criminal sentence. I hope it is true that to err is human; to forgive is canine. 

You, wise king, were always special. You were the only creature on two or four legs that could control my two year old niece.  You miraculously taught a Maltese to hunt rabbits.  You - and I shall speak the truth now - were the most shameless, blatant, unrepentant, and relentless flirt. No woman was safe from your game, and I remember with laughter and embarrassment the day I realized I had become your wing man.  

But if I can keep only one memory, it would be of you as you patrolled the fence each night before bed. That was the moment your selfless devotion was the most striking. Before you allow yourself rest, you assured yourself that your loved one’s domain was safe from the lurking deer and turkey. Due to your vigilance we were never attacked by squirrel.  When you were young, we walked the fence together. As a puppy you would run ahead to surprise the unsuspecting bird or perhaps just to enjoy the energy of your youth. You would stop and look back at me grinning, quietly waiting for me to catch up.  As time past and we both grew older, I found many logical reasons to avoid my duty.  It rained or snowed. I was tired from work. Something interesting was on TV.  But you never failed. Your duty was your expression of love.  I cried in pain when on the last night of your life I watched you finish the last long slow walk - your legs hurting from arthritis and surgery; you breath was gasping as you fought the lung cancer that took you.  You were faithful to death. 

The pack mourns now. Jody cries – as do all your women.  Sidney cannot eat and screams when left alone. Luna will not come to bed, but looks desperately to the door awaiting your return and your assurance that she is safe for another night.  And me? I sit among the voids.  I try to imagine you in a new field with a new pack. You are young again and strong. You feel no pain and I am grateful. But I have my selfish moments. I wonder if perhaps you remember the hand that rubbed your neck.  I watch you run along the fence now as you did as a puppy, and I ache to know that perhaps you will stop, look back at me with that devilish grin, and wait for me to catch up.