My beautiful Beau was 14 years old the day that he passed. My husband and I were lucky to be with him the whole day, touching him, comforting him, telling him it was time to let go and he didn't have to fight any more. He died in his favorite place in the triangle in our front yard and he died in my arms. I know my decision was the right one but I miss him desperately and 100 times a day I am reminded of him here in the house and yard. The worst part is that for the last 14 years, whenever I have felt this sad, it was he who I turned to for comfort - to hug him, kiss him, touch his unspeakably soft ears. He always knew when I needed him and came to kiss my tears away. Without him, my tears continue to flow.
He truly was "my North, my South, my East and West,
My working week and my Sunday rest,
My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song;
I thought that love would last forever: I was wrong.
The stars are not wanted now; put out every one,
Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun,
Pour away the ocean and sweep up the woods;
For nothing now can ever come to any good."
W.H. Auden
I miss your constant companionship, baby, miss your adoring eyes and silly, soundless bark. I still cry every single day and the crushing pain in my chest when I think of going on without you is unbearable. But, as I whispered in your ear that sad, sad day "I believe in Rainbow Bridge. I will find you." You always were my angel, now you have wings.
Some memories I'll hold forever dear:
skunks
misadventures with rocks
food!
the beach
the mountains
mahoosuc notch and the english muffin caper
barking (or not)
protecting
head in hand
the forehead thing
saving sam
drop it
"100 pounds of love"
deer hopping
bunnies
counting dinner plates
after dinner walks
spiral staircase
conversation eyes
"beau knows no"
me and my shadow
frodo
theo
tommy
merlin
eraser nose and the vets
handsome (and he knows it)
christmas at hosmer street
meeting jan
jan's jeans and the honeymoon
epilepsy
knee #1
knee #2
cancer
lar par surgery and pneumonia
"papa" and car rides
dunkin' donuts and beau's fan club
going out for ice cream
naps with mom
the water tower climb
ear creases
boat rides
why I left
marlborough
the hudson basement mistake
bee stings and xrays
wild birds ("If I didn't know you guys")
squirrels and david with a leash
snow and the 100 pound handbag
maine after blair witch
the parks
first swim
swim in donna's pond
snow blowing the path
"you came back" (or watching movies without him)
coming home (honeymoon #1)
coming home (every day)
beau's delicate tummy
mother's day
ears, feet and belly
kisses
throwing up on the first car ride home (or what beau was trying to tell me)
tiptoe on the tiles
waiting in the closet
nicknames
Dad wants me to add "Hair!" to the list. :)
Beau made me grow up and he gave me wings.