Our dearest angel, our 9 year old Pekingese dog Kalu left us and his physical body on December 20th, 2006 at 4 am, leaving all of us with an aching void, tears, fond memories and an acute sense of loss.
On his last day on this Earth, he had gotten paralysed, unable to move his hind legs, breaking my heart and telling me that he is going. That evening I cried as someone had wrenched my heart, unable to see him like this, helpless, quiet, joyless, limp. His kidneys were malfunctioning due to which he had to have glucose everyday. Last two days before he died, he was shrieking and yelping in pain. I somehow knew he would not survive this time.
I think this time he gave up all hope and said “‘ENOUGH’, my little body really can’t take anymore intensive treatment and I am going away, you don’t have to put me to sleep, I am leaving anyway”. On his second last night, he was in Mom’s room, shrieking, yelping in pain, and early morning he stood by Mom’s bedside, with tears in his eyes, somehow telling her that he is going. I cried watching him on his last day on earth, helpless, unable to move, heartbreaking..!! His tail would wag in a strange way, and he was totally limp, hardly moving. I guess his nervous system was shutting down. There was nothing anybody could do to save him. I guess it is good he has been relieved of his suffering and is in a better place, in God's Light. We have all been torn apart by his passing, specially Stevie, my darling brother, who was most attached to him and took great care of him till his last moment on Earth...we still mourn his loss deeply, specially Raji Amma, our old nanny, he was very attached to her, would not leave her side ever. This loss will never really go away. He brought so much joy in all our lives, when we needed it most...kissing me when I am crying, doing the silliest things..that love will never ever go away, it was pure, unconditional, touching our souls like no love can ever do. I don't think I would feel so sad at losing a human, than I am of Kalu.
I still suffer from guilt that I could not always be there for him. But I know in my heart of hearts that he will come back and allow me to give him all the love that he needs. These few days have been the worst days of my life, knowing I will never see my lil angel again. I cry listening to sad songs that will always remind me of my lil heart, now in heaven, hopefully playing with his pals, healthy and full of vigor again, over at Rainbow Bridge..I wonder if he is ok, getting food, water, fresh air, if he remembers us, yet I know he is ok, as couple of times he visited me in my meditations, completely ok, recovered, and told me is ok and that he came to us when we most needed love...I wish...he could come back. And let me hug him again and again...
His red coat, that I had bought for him on his last days, that he wore till the last moment, is lying with me to remind me of him always, with his fur still on the coat. I sniff it to remind me of him. His photos adorn my bedside, I keep going over his videos, somehow hoping that he will come back.. I know I am dwelling on my grief, but it’s rare that someone touches your life so, loves u unconditionally, licks u when u are crying tears of pain and makes everything okay. He knew what to do to make me smile. Kalu, God bless your soul...and do come back soon..I miss you buddy..
-Where your love has been so worthwhile, touching me like no other, any endeavor that I now take up will be only in your memory. My journey will be paved with memories of your smiles, sunshine, love, and true friendship.