It is 1am, I am alone.

You left me at 2 this afternoon. I would normally be feeding you now. I would have decided to do the tiptoe method so you wouldn't know until the fud (plus leftovers) was in the bowl... I'd fail and I'd laugh... because you're SO stupid. When you'd finished you bang through the door sniffing and making a mess and knocking things over and I'd laugh... because you're SO stupid and I’d ask you if you'd "eaten aaaalll your diner?" and you'd take to your bowl and I'd laugh... because you're SO stupid and I let you into the garden. Later I'd go to bed and you would climb up and lie in an untenable position that is comfortable for neither of us and I'd laugh... because you're SO stupid. Then you’d hear or smell the treat I had already secreted, I'd pretend to be asleep and no matter how long I wait to open my eyes, when I do, your big nose will be 3 inches from my face ears pricked and eyes beady. NOW you’re alert!? "Don’t give the beady,” I'd say and then I'd laugh... because you're SO stupid.

In the morning if the door wasn't open you whine to be let out. I, ignore you, because you know I hate that sound and you stop, and begin instead to pat me, using all the effort of your pea brain to do it as gently at you can (which I might add isn't) until, when guilt or my own need for the lavatory and the now constant licking, drive me to get up, and I'd laugh... because you're SO stupid. So each new day would begin with a laugh and love and for that I Thank You

For all the inappropriate behaviour on the street (both goosing and lavatorial)

for that I Thank You

For all the whole chicken and ham eating (How did you get the packaging off without ripping it, when you're SO stupid) 

for that I Thank You

For all the spilt drinks, ashtrays, jigsaw puzzles etc etc

for that I Thank You

For your expressions

for that I Thank You

For all the endless troubles finding a house to rent

for that I Thank You

For all the time

for that I Thank You

For your complete acceptance of me

for that I Thank You

For your reliability, dependability and predictability

for that I Thank You

Even for the pain , from which I will surely die, that I have now

I MUST THANK YOU 

And for the laughs 

How can I thank you for the laughs? 

Please have laughed too.

I miss you Much

You stupid smelly fat pig twit