Pug was a shar pei/rotti mix. He was a unique dog in every way.The way he looked, the way he acted & the way he showed me his unconditional love. He was a big dog but had little, tiny ears. He knew how to "give kisses" but would never offer his paw to shake hands.I realized later his feet were ticklish. He was very protective over his paws! Pug had his  routine and didn't like it interupted. First thing in the morning he went out in the back yard to take care of business. Then he checked every corner of the yard. Our fence had holes in it and he would stand and stare through a hole and spy on our neighbors all the time. When they moved to another part of the yard, he moved to another hole. Then he would come in to get a treat. Next was the newspaper! That was his job. When I opened the door, he'd bolt out growling to himself all the way, grab the paper and run back in. Another treat! It didn't take long for Pug to learn that when he brought me stuff he got a treat. He was constantly bringing me the phone,sponges, the plunger and even things from my purse. I loved him with my whole heart and worried about him constantly. When I was at work, I worried about him being home alone. If I was home I worried about him being in the back yard instead of in the house with me. I found out Pug had cancer on Aug 12 2005 and I was too weak to let him go that day. I thought if I had a little more time, it would be easier. I was wrong. It never gets easier. I was able to justify keeping him here with me with silly little excuses. "I want to make him liver for dinner one more time." Or....."He doesn't look like he's suffering, I'll wait one more day." But he was suffering and I was too weak to set him free. After he passed away and through many tears I wrote this poem. I just hope he knows how much his mommy loves him.

FOR PUG………… LETTING YOU GO,    



You came to me when you were one month old

I kept you safe and sheltered from the cold.



You were so eager to please and so very smart

The moment I saw you, you owned my heart.



“You’re the love of my life” I’d whisper in your little ears.

You were by my side for eleven short years



I watched you grow old……and then so very ill.

I couldn’t let go, I held on to you still.



I needed time to learn to live without you

But during this time, you were suffering too.



You suffered so much and it didn’t have to be

I was the one who could have set you free.



It should have been me to bear the pain

Instead of hoping for any time I might gain



If I could go back you know I would

I would then do things the way that I should.



We’d make that last drive with you by my side.

I’d hold you close to me while you died.



I guess you knew I wasn’t that strong

Or maybe you just couldn’t wait that long.



So the decision to go you took from me

One Sunday morning you set yourself free.



My tears keep coming in a never ending flow

My grief and remorse still continue to grow.



I wanted you to feel safe from that first day till you were grown

But in the end I failed and you died alone.



You’re at peace now, your pain is done.

I hope for peace but for me there is none.



Please forgive me for not letting you go

I never wanted you to suffer, I hope you know.



I just wasn’t ready to say good-bye

Or to make the decision to let you die.



I’m glad that you are finally free

If one of us must suffer, I’d rather it be me.



Everyone tells me it’s time to move on

That’s hard to do with you gone.



After all you and I went through, this I know…

I’ll never be ready to let you go.



You may be gone but you still own my heart

Just like you did from the very start.

           

 I love and miss you Pug!

                             Love Mommy