He was a most amazing cat.  I did my best to give him a good home, and always showed him a lot of love and affection.  Last time I held him, I of course goobered on his face and he had that; "oh god, why are you doing this to me" look even though he probably enjoyed it on some level.  I remember one night he crawled up on my chest to sleep there and licked my face carefully, which was the highest form of cat affection you can get.



He was his own 'man' so to speak.  When I moved us, he was on my arm in the truck, looking out at traffic, people waving at him.  He of course politely laid on the dashboard and looked out at the road but later curled up and slept.



I didn't realize how much I missed him until one night I was thinking of him after he disappeared in June after having a fight with another feline outdoors.  I called him, usually he would come running to me always but not this time.  I don't know how badly he was injured but I got a glimpse of him after his brief tussle with the other cat and he seemed fine to me.  I always put out food and water for him even now, in hopes that he's not really gone but just away for awhile, even though deep down inside I fear the worst and that a predator got him.



He was my little man of the house.  He would gift me mice that he caught, neatly laid on the back porch mat for me as offerings.  For such a small cat he had the soul bigger than most humans.  I think he was probably one of the smartest pets I have ever had the honor of loving.  It's hard to think of him being gone but of course it's just the way it is and I so hope I am wrong about that.  I hope one day I'll call him as I do anyway and he will as he used to, come running across his back yard to see me.



I've had many many pets but as much as I loved each and every one of them, I think on some level this little boy stuck to me in ways that I never dreamed was possible.  I'm a grown man and it's so very hard to not get very wet eyes and face when I remember him.  His sister just came up to me sensing I was so very sad about her brother.



What do you say about creatures that have souls bigger than even maybe your own?  How can you tell them after they are 'gone' how much you love them?  How can a human put those memories into a locked up container and not remember.



I guess in time I will have to eventually come to grips with the fact that I have indeed lost my little man.  I lost a 'son' and grieved over him too but to be honest, losing a very close and deeply loved pet is every bit as hard if not moreso because unlike humans, pets always love us unconditionally no matter what.



Felix, wherever you are, for what it's worth, I know you know always that your papa always always will love you and miss you and probably for the rest of my days still look for you on the back porch, joyfully running to me after I call you.  Rest in peace, little prince.



your papa always